Recently, I was "blessed" to see another birthday. Never one to celebrate life's death clock, I relaxed in typical Madman fashion, gorging on high fructose .99 Oak Farms punch and Blast-O-Butter popcorn. Looking back on 35 years of life, I've noticed that my tried and true hallmark of apathy has settled in. I wanna be more than life's allowed me to be, but hesitation's a slave master imposing its will, in the process causing soul atrophy.
I have one or two friends. Not social network attention puppets who take umbrage to face to face interaction, but really loyal nurturers of social bonding. I can't recall the number of times they've stood by me through tough times and unenviable circumstance.
Really, I cant! That's because I've rarely returned the favor. I tend to only count those times that mean something to me, when my needs where met and my desires sustained. I wonder how long my selfish ways will continue to be overlooked? People say it costs nothing to be kind, but that's a lie. It costs that same kindness in return; a bartering of social niceties that help keep things on an even keel. One day, the unevenness of my kindness will surely sink me into the ocean of alone.
I'm not proud of my standoffish nature. In fact, my soul begs for the camaraderie I've never had in life. But somewhere along the way those feelings seem to disconnect. The desire still burns, but the will to exert the effort wanes before reaching the surface, leaving those around me to think, "what an asshole!" My problem's always been finding a way to make it happen.
Such a simple statement, "make it happen." As if life comes with a switch that can be flipped to incite a soul into action.
Only the hubris of man could concoct such fantasy, a world were accomplishment is achieved with such ease......e.b.Madman
